All-Sports Roundup

There comes a point in every person’s life when they realize that they are just not big enough. There is so much and they just can’t comprehend it all. They feel overwhelmed and lost. There are just too many sporting events for one person to handle. So “The Grandeur” has come through with the All-Sports Roundup, an article that gives direction to people who have lost hope in trying to be the ultimate sports fan.
The Europeans defeated the Americans yet again in the Ryder Cup, and yes, I don’t care either. First of all, it takes their whole continent to defeat our one country and they still act like they beat us fairly. If it was nation versus nation, we would beat Spain, England and Scotland with only one hand on our driver. And the scoring format isn’t even like real golf. One-on-one matches and scoring points, no wonder no one cares, they don’t understand what the heck is going on. So enjoy your moment all you Europeans with your warm tea and your hairy women as you drive around in your little Audi’s. Because when April comes around, we all know who is usually wearing the Green Jacket.
Norte Dame pulled off a Lazarus-like back from the dead comeback Saturday at Michigan State with a crazy 40-37 victory. Nothing like committing three turnovers in the final six minutes to totally blow it. Elsewhere, Ohio State, Auburn, USC, West Virginia and Florida won big while Florida State and Oklahoma won even bigger.
Another long regular season is finally coming to close in the major leagues as we enter our final week. The Tigers are back in the playoffs for the first time since the Reagan administration with an 11-4 victory over the Royals. The Yankees and Mets have already wrapped up their division titles while the Cardinals and Athletics are looking to do the same in the next few days. The playoffs are pretty much up for grabs. There is simply not very many good teams. The two New York clubs are the best of the lot and if they aren’t in the World Series it’s their own fault. But that’s why we call it October Magic.
Chelsea (England), Barcelona (Spain), Inter Milan (Italy), Bayern Munich (Germany), Lyon (France) and AZ Alkmaar (Netherlands) are leading their domestic soccer leagues. The Euros deserve a little positive attention after their earlier thrashing in this column.
Finally to the NFL where the Bears, Bengals and Colts all won big divisional games to improve their records to 3-0. The winner of Monday night’s showdown with NFC South rivals Atlanta and New Orleans will give us our fourth 3-0 team. How about Drew Brees and Reggie Bush helping the Saints to a good start? That place will go nuts if they make the playoffs. Brett Farve threw his 400th career touchdown pass in the Packers win over Detroit. Dan Marino is the only other one to reach that milestone. Not bad company. Tampa Bay put up another poor performance against Carolina to drop to 0-3 and QB Chris Simms had to have his spleen removed after the game. Everyone gather around to see Jon Gruden do his Chucky impersonation.
You can now have good night’s sleep. Your anxiety of not being able to comprehend everything that has been going on in sports as been relieved with this article. So let the wife and kids know that everything is fine and to stop worrying about you because “The Grandeur” has filled that void in your life.