Fantasy Sports For Life

Fantasy sports have become somewhat of a phenomenon where many people enjoy the competition of well, whatever you want to score points with. Its actually such a great idea that “The Grandeur” has thought of a way to play this game in everyday life. So here are the rules.
Let’s start with the family. If your wife/girlfriend lets go through a whole weekend of watching football without bugging you about anything, that’s five points. You get three points if she only bugs you during halftime. You earn points every time you take her out for a nice dinner and show. You lose two points if you take her to McDonald’s a rent a cheap horror flick. If she scores you tickets through her boss to a Red Sox game, that’s worth eight points, two extra if Curt Schilling is pitching. Now on to your kids. Your son gets all-conference honors for his high school basketball team, four points. It’s only worth two points if you held him back a year in kindergarten to give him a head start. Seven points if your daughter gets a full ride to college. Three more points if she gets you an autograph of Joe Paterno once she’s there. Finally to the parents, where you just realized that everything they told all those years is actually right. No gaining or losing points, just give them hug.
The next area is the workplace. Your boss lets you dress down for casual Friday, three points. Minus one if you wear torn jeans and a stained t-shirt, because that’s just trashy. Raises are worth three points and promotions are worth five. While having annoying co-workers gets you docked three points. Voicing your opinion to your boss because you have a good idea, four points. Voicing your opinion and getting yourself a demotion loses you two points.
Now on to partying and social events. Your buddy invites you over to watch the game and he supplies all the food and drinks, five points. If you spill anything that includes such things as dip, beer or pizza, take away those five points. If you invite your buddies over because you just bought a new HD television, six points. Now you’re at the bar or club and an attractive young female approaches you. Seven points is she wants to get your number but you lose three points if she confuses you with her middle-aged uncle Larry. You also lose three points if take out on several dates and then realize she’s your cousin. Now if you brag to your buddies about that hot date, three points. Bragging to your preacher about that hot date to your preacher, minus two points.
Now for the miscellaneous. Going to watch the new James Bond movies, give yourself five points. Trying to do the stunts off the movie and getting a broken arm, minus three points. Having a crush on Jessica Alba, three points. Being one of the crazy stalker people that sends her emails everyday, take away those three points. Buying an authentic autographed pair of Dwayne Wade spandex on E-Bay for a cheap price, three points. Putting that spandex on once you get them, well that’s just gross. Taking a nap after a hard day of mowing the yard, five points. Taking a nap after mowing the yard and your neighbor’s flower garden, take three points. Being a fan of Brett Farve and how he throws a football, three points. Trying to be like Brett Farve and throw a football really hard and tossing the ball through the window and breaking it, a loss of two points.
Well, there you have it, an organized system for you and your buddies to compete with for everyday life. So go out there and try to be a champion. But if you do, don’t brag too much. No one likes an overly-cocky person, minus five points.