10 Commandments of Sports

Listen carefully, pay attention and make no excuses. Because this is the 10 Commandments of Sports.
I. Thou shalt have no others before me: When it is game time, turn off the news, send the kids to their friend’s house, put down the Blackberry and watch the game. You give much of your time to the needs of the world; now give this time to watching the World Series.
II. Thou shalt make no idols: Stop saying that Glory Road was better than Remember the Titans. It wasn’t, stop giving credit where it isn’t due.
III. Thou shalt not misuse the name: It is pronounced “Wah” not Roy. Patrick is one of the greatest hockey goalkeepers ever, learn to pronounce it correctly.
IV. Remember the day and keep it holy: Saturday is for watching for college football and Sunday is for watching pro football. No exceptions.
V. Honor thy father and mother: Your dad taught you how to shoot a basketball, who the pro baseball teams were and not to touch the soccer ball with your hands. Your mom washed your stinking uniforms, cleaned up your cuts and brought you post-game snacks. They are the givers of sports greatness.
VI. Thou shalt not murder: Never kill a team’s hopes. Because the Red Sox came back from 3-0 down and the 1980 hockey team beat the Soviets. So always appreciate the comeback because the game is not over until the morning SportsCenter.
VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery. If you were born and bred an Ohio State fan then you can never become a Michigan fan and you forfeit your rights to even be a fan if you do so. Same goes for players, shame on you Johnny Damon.
VIII. Thou shalt not steal: People’s traditions are their own. You can’t take Pig Sooie away from the University of Arkansas or the sword from the USC Trojans. If you want something to be recognized by then be creative and think of something yourself.
IX. Thou shalt not bear false witness: Believing in what Jose Canseco says about how the steroid users is shameful. Honor the people looking for the truth in sports and not those looking to make an easy buck.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s possessions: So your best bud just bought a new 55-inch HD plasma. Don’t be jealous, but treat his house as a temple to watch sports. Being a fan is a team sport so bring all the snacks to pick up the slack.