Stuff That Should Never Happen

Sports is filled with loads of tradition, some good and some bad, and most of it forms vital cornerstones to the game. That being said, certain stuff in the sports should never change. And if does happen, let those responsible be sent to place where there is, as the Gospel of Matthew says, great weeping and gnashing of teeth.
-The New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox and the Chicago Cubs should never play baseball in any stadium that doesn’t have the name of Yankee Stadium, Fenway Park and Wrigley Field respectively. Thankfully the Bronx Bombers have the done the right thing and kept the name for their new stadium. But if any those teams lose that part of the identity and name their home park after an investment firm or fruit juice, then a part of America’s pastime will fall away forever.
-Along those same lines, those three teams and plus the Green Bay Packers, Montreal Canadians and the Boston Celtics should never change their uniforms. We expect to see teams like that in the same get-up every time they take the field. Let all those other jokers ride the fads. The same is true for Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. A rule that should never be forgotten: classic is cool.
-The Masters Golf Tournament being broadcast on any other network but CBS. It should always be the voice of Jim Nantz saying “A tradition unlike any other, the Masters on CBS.” If not then it is just going some wannabe saying “A tradition unlike any other on Bravo.”
-Derek Jeter, Peyton Manning and Tim Duncan playing for any other team but the one they are on now. Just think back to when some great athlete moved to some other team for his last season and how wrong it was to see him in a different uniform and maybe even a different jersey number. Those guys started their careers for the Yankees, Colts and Spurs and that’s where they should finish their careers.
-Taking the bricks out of Brickyard. Okay, yes it’s one of the most gross and probably unhealthy traditions. But when one those guys win there, they kiss those greasy, smelly, tired-burnt bricks and love it. If you take those away, they’ll have to kiss (gasp!) their wives.
-There are far too many traditions in college sports to list in a single book, much less a single column. So here are just a few of the big ones: Dotting the “I” at Ohio State, the Sooner Schooner at OU, the Cameron Crazies at Duke, USC song girls wearing white sweaters, the “Play Like a Champion Today” sign and the “Steeple to Stadium” walk at Norte Dame, playing “Between the Hedges” at Georgia, “Calling the Hogs” at Arkansas and those little red and white striped pre-game pants at Indiana.
Ok, there you have it, some of the most important things in sports that should never change. And if they do, protest to team ownership and write to your local representative. All that being said, here are some things that should stop, well, yesterday: Al Davis keeping on his power trip, $8 bottles of beer, commercial breaks after every series during NFL games and silly sports columnists.