Fantasy Football Follies

This football season, I’m living the dream of every disgruntled fan around the nation: I’m playing fantasy football.
By competing this year, I’m getting first-hand experience of being in the role that so many people hate, I’m getting to be the general manager of an internet professional football team. I can now see why fans love to blame the general managers of teams. They are often guys who never played professional football teams (like me), who often know way too much about business and money (not like me) which cause them to make really dumb decisions in their bid to put together a winning team (definitely like me).
Now in my role as the GM, I started back in August taking part in a live draft, to select my team in the hopes of winning the grand prize: a $25 gift card to Wal-Mart. Now I actually have three different teams of which two bombed in the first month of the season but lucky for me they weren’t the team that is pursuing the gift card. That team actually has a record of 8-2 and leading the league, which is amazing because I have underachievers and injuries all over the place.
I made Bengal’s quarterback Carson Palmer my number one pick which was a dumb move. Besides throwing for five touchdowns against Cleveland in week two, he has been terrible so it’s a good thing I selected Brett Farve as my backup. He has been a lifesaver since becoming my starter at the first of October.
My first running back chosen was Baltimore’s Willis McGahee which has been a steady if not unexciting selection. My other running back is Adrian Peterson whose phenomenal rookie season has single-handily made the difference between top of the league and middle of the pack. I told everyone at the draft he was good and they told me he would get hurt. We were both right. He has been great and he just got hurt this past week against Green Bay. I was glad to use him while I could. His replacement LenDale White of the Titans will probably not be as good.
My two top receivers, Andre Johnson of Houston and Marvin Harrison of Indianapolis, got off too great starts but have been out with the injury bug since mid to late September. Their backups (watch out!) are Patrick Crayton, Greg Jennings.
The Chargers have betrayed me this season. First of all Antonio Gates has been less than spectacular. Thank god I selected another good back in Dallas’ Jason Witten who has been awesome. San Diego’s defense has also underachieved and they have been replaced by, of all people, the Detroit Lions.
Thank god for kickers, Seattle’s Josh Brown as been rock solid.
So if you’re keeping score at home, only two of my original eight starters are still playing. I never really liked those guys anyway.
But the really frustrating thing is having multiple loyalties. I have three different teams. I need Brett Farve to throw touchdown passes for one team but it hurts my other team because the guy I’m playing has Donald Driver. Or I need Willis McGahee to rush for touchdowns for one team but I have the defense he is going against for my other team so I need them to cause a lot of turnovers.
Then there is the fact that my favorite team is the Dallas Cowboys. So I’m happy when Terrell Owens catches touchdown passes because it helps out my ‘Boys but hurts my fantasy team because I’m playing against a guy who has him.
So it all comes down to something kind of like this. I need Brett Farve to throw for three touchdowns and 250 yards to help out one team but to also throw in a couple of interceptions to help out my other team. It’s kind of like needing my Detroit defense to not give up many points but the ones they do give up all need to come from Clint Portis rushing touchdowns because he is my running back. Or like I’m playing against a guy who has Dallas running backs Julius Jones and Marion Barber III so I need them to not gain a lot of yards and fumble a lot. But then I need them each to find inspiration on two plays at the end to tie and win the game for my favorite team. It’s all just a big mess.
Right now I’m tied for first with my team that’s in contention for the gift card. I have secured a first round playoff bye and look set to make a serious run for the championship. Of course, this is the world of fantasy football. One touchdown can both help and hurt. I’m just looking for that right blend of touchdowns, interceptions, yards, fumbles while living the dream managing my own team, or three.